your parents love me but you hate me
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
