No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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