is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
