Where is the hickey?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
