Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
how does that bad decision feel?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
