i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
