when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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