Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Every concussion has its silver lining
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
