Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
