Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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