If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
