what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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