I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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