Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
