i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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