marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
