Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
