I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
