Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
