Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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