I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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