I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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