i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
