this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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