dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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