Can Purell be used as lube?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
