census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
