i'm signing you up for texting rehab
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
