last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I touched a dick in church today
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
