guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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