Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
