Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize