i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
