We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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