I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I think i peed on brittanys purse
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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