im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
