I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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