i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
