A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize