Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
