I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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