I love black thongs
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
