Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
