I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize