dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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