Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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