I cut my penus on the lid.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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