He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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