ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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