hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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