I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
