so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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