I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I feel great
I just peed on a car
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
