I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize