i just had sex bonerless
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
