if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize