What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
