cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
