This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
