Fuck appropriateness.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
