The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
