Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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