Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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