dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
