whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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