I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
