morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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