WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
